


oceans deep

by StarlightDuchess



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Heavy Angst, I have No Excuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Ive been working on this fic for almost a year, Mental Health Issues, Original Character Death(s), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-07-08 19:43:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15937001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightDuchess/pseuds/StarlightDuchess
Summary: This story goes through the tale of a young lady Saige (about15yearsold), who lives with her spiteful mother in a ruined mansion. Her mother controls her entire life and doesn't care to improve it. Raised with hatred Saige has little understanding of her emotions and sees her life perfectly normal.





	1. Chapter 1

      Saige’s life consisted of: Wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, school, homework, sleep, repeat. Her entire life had been scheduled to the point the she couldn’t even go to the bathroom until a certain time. Her mother hadn’t meant to take control over her daughter’s life, really, she hadn’t. Her mother was just trying to keep her safe, maybe if she kept telling herself that she’d believe it one day.

  
      “listen to me, you’re such an ungrateful child.” Her mother growled out. “I have dedicated my life to you, it’s the very least you can do.” Saige winced as her mother gripped her hair and pulled on it to make Saige face her. Saige blinked back the tears starting to gather in her eyes, the tears will only make her angrier, she should be used to this by now. “I’m sorry mother” she whispered.

  
      Her mother snorted and released her hair and walked back to the chair as she watched her daughter sink to the ground, “so as I was saying, we will be leaving in two days so make sure everything is packed up.” She said, “And there will be no time for those Cretans you call friends, so you will come home immediately after school tomorrow. Now go to your room I’ve grown tired of your pathetic presence.”

  
      Saige stood up and bowed slightly before quietly leaving the room. She shivered lightly as she entered the hallway, missing the warmth of the fireplace, despite her mother’s icy gaze. She walked up the stairs and went to door on the far left. Opening the door, she felt a breeze which caused another shiver to course through her. Her bedroom window was open and snow was falling through the window onto her bed, she closed the door and slid down against it to watch the snow fall.

  
      She couldn’t bring herself to care that her bed would be soaked or that her bare feet were starting to go numb. She sat there for a while simply watching, wondering, if she would one day be as free as the snowflakes. Gently floating around the earth, going where the wind takes her, beautiful, unique. She shook the thoughts from her head, it does no good to wonder without action.

  
       She could barely feel her feet once she stood and decided to close the window. On her way to the window she had kicked something on the ground, there was a rock rolling toward the edge of her bed. she looked to the soaked wood flooring in front of the window and noticed something glittering in the snow. Realization dawned on her as she took these things in; someone had thrown a rock through her window.

  
       she got closer to the window trying to avoid the shards hidden in the snow. Looking out she noticed there were no footprints that she could see, long since covered with fresh snow. She looked around for something but there was nothing other than the creaky old bed frame a worn mattress and a then grey sheet. She then faced her bed, debating if it was worth even trying to dry it out. She decided to pull the soaked sheet from the icy mound. She shook it out and sat with it in the corner off the room.

       She wrapped herself tightly with the sheet trying to keep in what little warmth she had. She couldn’t feel her feet anymore and she was starting to lose sensation in her fingers. Desperate for warmth she curled in on herself and stared out her window watching the moon rise until she could barely keep her eyes open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her life gets better, I promise. ;)


	2. chapter one

Saige woke up to the sun starting to peak above the horizon. She awoke at this time every morning; needing to fix her mother breakfast. She went to stand up but instantaneously fell back down into the floor. Blinking languidly, she noticed she was still cocooned in the sheet. Un-raveling her self she stretched out and wiggled her toes, making sure they weren’t frost bite.

She couldn’t move one foot and It was a pale blue tint and blisters starting to form, her other foot looked mostly unaffected besides the blue tint on the tips of her toes. She tried to stand again, this time balancing on the wall, and successfully stood up. She was a bit wobbly as she started to leave her room but made it down the hall and to the stairs. As she was about to take the last step down the stairs her foot decided to give out and she was falling face first into the ground. Groaning lightly as she landed on her arm after a failed attempt to land safely.

Refusing to think about what her mother would say if she broke her arm from her own clumsiness; she continued to the kitchen. She fixed her mothers breakfast and brought it to the living area. Warmth surrounding her as she entered the room, she hadn’t realized how cold she was. She suppressed the sigh of comfort from the warmth and continued into the room, setting down the tray of food on the side table. Her mother was sitting in the same place as last night, the soft blue-velvet wingback chair tinted a gentle green from the light of the fire.

The same light casting her mother in sickly tone taking away from what was left of her beauty. She didn’t bother to look up as her daughter bowed and tried to exit the room. Right as she twisted the door knob her mother sneered out, “Don’t forget what I said last night, my dear.” She whispered a quick “of course not, mother” before shuffling back out the door and going to get ready for the day.

~ Time skip brought to you by: depression and exhaustion!! ~

Walking out the school doors, breathing deeply she sighed, she had made it through another dull school day and only three people had commented on her slight limp. The only note-worthy thing that happened would be her friend, jane, had gotten upset after reading a chapter of her new book, the couple she liked ended up seeing other people and made a huge scene about it half way through class. 

Shaking herself out of her thoughts she weaved through the crowd and made her way to wait for Jane so she could cancel their plans. Jane was not pleased to hear the sudden change of plans; still upset about her ‘ship getting destroyed by cannon’ as she had ranted earlier. But despite her failing mood, jane begrudgingly accepted her apology and promise for next time. They waved bye and went their separate ways when the rush of students dispersed. 

She was enjoying the calm winter breeze blowing through the trees, a memory of the ocean flashed through her, when she was suddenly jerked out of her trance. she could feel the hair on her neck rise but nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. she froze as she heard the crunch of snow when her foot hadn’t reached the ground yet, then it hit her. someone was behind her.

She tensed, ready to jump away if there really was someone there. She went to turn around only to get a fist in the face before she could make out who it was. All she saw was brown hair before everything went white and quiet. When she started to come to, her eyesight hadn’t returned to the eye that was punched. She was shocked into awareness as the sound of laughter registered in her mind. She could her multiple people laughing as she felt multiple pairs of hands moving in all the wrong places on her body.

she was currently face down in the snow so whoever was there hadn’t realized she was awake yet. she started kicking and tried shoving them off her to no avail. They just pressed her harder into the ground. As the reality of her situation hit her she tried screaming but no sound came out. she couldn’t escape.

She felt the panic begin to rise further when she felt a needle pierce her skin and a cold substance entered her veins. Her struggles cut back to a weak pull only a minute later. when she was mostly docile, someone leaned down to whisper in her ear," Don't worry, we'll make sure you enjoy it". She heard them snicker before the laughter started back up. Tears rolled down her face as the laughter and cold faded out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't say when it'd get better. >:3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, im a bit late on the update??
> 
>  
> 
> Ha hahah hahah...
> 
>  
> 
> I have no excuse.

When she awakes she can't feel anything. As though she's floating through the void. All around her was emptiness. And then there was the cold, creeping through her veins. Trying desperately to stop their flow.

 

At first, she doesn't remember where she was at, or how she got there. But the cold she remembers. After all, it was her only companion. The cold fades slowly away and she lays there silently. She doesn't question why it was leaving her all alone, why it stayed with her to begin with or even what it would take with it as it fades. 

 

Shes never felt much, not much purpose, not much power, not much emotion. She felt warmth once. But it burned far too hot for her icy heart to handle. A burning flame that grew when you tried to condense it, and then exploded into pure agony. No, she didn't like the warmth, far too much to feel, far too much she didn't understand. 

 

The cold was gone now, she couldn't feel her body. She questioned if she even had one, maybe she had never been alive in the fist place, maybe she was dreaming, maybe, maybe, maybe. 

 

Maybe she was dead.

 

She wonders if there's an afterlife, if all the emotions she can't feel lived there, safe and far away from her. They burned too bright. Everything was too bright. The snow, with its glistening whiteness, so pure and precious. It was so kind to her.

 

It was in her earliest memories to her last memory. Bright things have surrounded her from the beginning. But she had never been much like the snow, pale and cold, yes, but never bright, never pure. 

 

She had always pretended she could be like the snow, maybe her mother would be happier with her. Maybe then, if she was as bright as the rest of them, she could feel the warmth and be able to handle it. To control it and understand it 

 

There was pressure from atop her. Something weighing her down, covering her. she couldn't tell what it was. She felt lost and oh so tired. She had tried her best. But she over-stayed her welcome and it was time to leave. Time take on the endless sleep. 

 

She thought that sounded nice, an emptiness, just like the one she was floating in, a void of emotion, of problems, of life. She wondered if the cold would be there, waiting for her. 

 

She was ready. She was tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So its been a while...   
> Howdy y'all. Im a liar. I wasnt made for commitments. I cant commit to anything for very long. This is not where i wanted the story to go but here we are. Theres no comfort in this. Purely negative feelings. I was going to write on her reaction to the ending of last chapter but it brought up too many bad memories. So just skip to the loo my darling. What does that song even mean??? What loo? The bathroom? Why would you skip to a bathroom?????? Anyway what i was trying to say was i just bullshit my way through this last chapter at 12 am on a school day, almost a year late. also my thought process can be a bit difficult to translate so let me know if i need to express certain things better.


End file.
